The Stationers Guild

Freedom of speech is guaranteed by our Constitution and this guarantee covers most everything from inspired and often extreme political views to the most banal and silly commentary.  Certainly, the age of mass media and the Internet has been a boon to “free” speech, but this freedom has produced more senseless chit-chat than reflection.  Context has been reduced to sound bites and self-appointed experts seem to be popping up everywhere.  Wikepedia has become the populist online ”reference”  where diversity of opinions and pop culture is more deemed more important than relevance and authority.   Improper wording of wedding invitations and the recommended use of websites and gift registries on these invitations are just a few examples of the crass culture that is corrupting wedding etiquette. 

As stationers, we take pride in guiding our clients toward the use of proper etiquette in the wording of wedding invitations.   Although many feel the need to “express themselves” or “make a statement” at their wedding, we have long held the view  that a wedding is a sacred ceremony with traditions that go back hundreds of years.  The use of proper etiquette is simply one of the many rituals or traditions that connects one’s wedding to similar weddings that have taken place over many generations.   By honoring those traditions, you show respect to your ancestors and the rituals that are associated with this most sacred ceremony.   

I recently came across the sad case of a bride-to-be who wished to change the correct wording of her wedding invitation because she seen different versions in “bridal magazines.”    Specifically, these bridal magazines recommended “half past five” rather than the correct designation of “half after five.”   Now for many, this would be a small thing, but to the bride-to-be, the authority for a properly worded wedding invitations was a bridal magazine.    Clearly upset, she told her stationer to change the wording on the invitation, despite the fact that no less of an authority as Crane & Co. and Julie Holcomb’s Wedding Invitation Handbook recommend “half after five” as the proper wording for a wedding that takes place at 5:30 p.m.

Perhaps, this is a minor detail in the overall scheme of things, but examples of improperly worded invitations in wedding magazines was deemed more important than getting it “right” for this prospective bride.

Sheila P. May
Therese Saint Clair

Sometimes I feel like Don Quixote charging digital windmills on the rapidly changing landscape of the Internet.  I have long given up hope that the etiquette, civility and  interpersonal relationships will ever be the same after a generation has been brought up believing that Jersey Shore and the Kardashians is as good as it gets in expressing yourself.

Fortunately, I do realize that there are kindred souls out there who share my concern that “good taste” is still relevant.  This morning I came across this delightful article describing someone’s shock at receiving her first Facebook wedding invitation.  With great sensitivity and delicacy, JMW, who writes A Place to Dwell blog, documents her reaction to receiving her Facebook wedding invitation.  Despite every conceivable rationalization to justify this strange behavior which includes a request to his guests “to bring a dish for the potluck reception” she finally concludes with:  “I’m going to say it: you just don’t do that!”

I am in your corner on this issue JMW and, judging from most of the comments to your Blog post, we are not alone.  How refreshing. 

Sheila P. May
Thérèse Saint Clair

My recent Blog post on DIY wedding invitations prompted a good bit of feedback – mostly positive.  On the negative side, several people accused me of self-promotion or worse and felt I had a bias against “people doing their own thing.”  I am sorry I gave that  impression.  Quite the contrary, I was just trying to save people time, money and, quite possibly, much aggravation and embarrassment.   For those interested in “doing their own thing,” all I can say is “Go for it!”  Hopefully, my tips may keep your blood pressure in check until after the wedding.

In a not too unusual situation of DIY invitations gone awry, I present The Case of the Crooked Envelope.    It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes too much time to determine that grievous harm has come to this very attractive envelope (certainly looks like Crane & Co. was the victim this time around).   

 ”I say Watson, who defaced this lovely celadon (light green) wedding invitation envelope?”  

 ”Elementary, my dear Holmes,” responded Dr. Watson, “this otherwise lovely creation in 100% cotton paper by Crane & Co. was mutilated by a commercial printer.”  

Holmes, evidently surprised at Watson’s astute observation asked, “How can you be so confident?”

“Only a commercial printer would print on a straight line and then try to convince the client that the envelope was crooked,” responded a confident Watson. 

“Well said,” said a particularly jovial Holmes.  “I guess we can just mail this case into Scotland Yard.”

“Lovely pun, Holmes! I do so admire your skewed sense of humor,” laughed Watson and both men chuckled as they departed the crime scene.

For the bridal couple, this is no laughing matter.  Imagine ordering lovely wedding invitations and then – trying to save some time and money - have the envelopes mangled by a  commercial printer.  The fact of the matter is that most commercial printer are simply not equipped to print on heavy paper stock and certainly not on envelopes that have been lined.  

Again, we recommend that you plan wisely and consult with a qualified stationer in your neighborhood for proper advice.  Most stationers have highly calibrated equipment to print on heavy paper stock.   In fact, most qualified stationers would have recommended that State abbreviations be spelled out.  In this case “WI” should be Wisconsin.  Proper etiquette is free at qualified stationers.  

Richard W. May
Therese Saint Clair

Sheila and I just received an autographed copy of Marjorie Maxfield’s delightful new book entitled The Write Stuff:  A Modern Guide to Personal Stationery & Weddings.  With accolades from Brian Lawrence of Encore Studios and Nancy Lowell Lashley of Lallie (among others), this short and entertaining book is an educational quick read for those interested in fine stationery and custom wedding invitations.  With etiquette and civility often overlooked in today’s wedding planning, The Write Stuff is a useful guide to help  bridal couples cope with the demands on their time and sensibilities.    The Write Stuff: A Modern Guide to Personal Stationery & Weddings may be purchased online for $19.95.  Found below is a recent interview with Marjorie on a Fox affiliate in Houston, Texas.

In The Write Stuff, Marjorie offers some practical and helpful advice with wit and charm to help plan a successful wedding.   With over 20 years experience in the stationery business and the former owner of Tanglewood Gifts and Stationery, in Houston, TX, Marjorie’s client list includes Presidents and First Ladies, astronauts, sports and rock legends and celebrities from literally all walks of life.  Now a professional guest speaker, Marjorie will be a featured guest speaker at Bridal Showcase productions in Baltimore, Richmond, Washington, D.C. and Denver in the coming months.

The twelve chapter book (excuse me, Twelve “Cantos” which in Latin is cantus and in Sanskrit means chapter) covers such topics as “e-business communiques,”  “the art of being remembered,” and “a modern guide to wedding stationery.”   One area that was certainly music to my ears was her section on “Stationery Stores are the Brides Best Friend.”    ”The staff will listen to your thoughts, understand your timetable, and translate your tastes into something beautiful and within your budget.  They will share with you their knowledge of wedding stationery and social etiquette, and basically guide your every choice.  The advantages of a stationery store?  Priceless. I promise.”  Marjorie said it far better than I could:  Maybe that is why she is on the speaking tour!

Cover of The Write Stuff

Marjorie is refeshingly hip and deftly moves between the traditional and what’s in vogue in wedding stationery etiquette without losing her balance or sense of humor.  Sophisticates from the Northeast might quibble at some of her etiquette suggestions, but The Write Stuff has been put together with grace and elegance and certainly deserves exposure in leading stationery stores throughout the US.

Thank you Marjorie for this precious contribution of “Wed-etiquette.”  Bridal couples can save themselves much angst and many wrong turns by purchasing Marjorie Maxfield’s The Write Stuff.

Sheila and Richard May
Therese Saint Clair

A recent Blog article called my attention to some advice given by Talley Sue Hohlfeld, Etiquette Expert for Martha Stewart, on whether bridal couples should send E-Vites for a Wedding.   Ms. Hohlfeld, blindly jumping on the “save-a-tree” bandwagon, acknowledged that she was “firmly against using e-mail for something as momentous as a wedding invitation.”  Nevertheless, she added that “putting a website URL on the lower left corner of your invitation would . . . save paper on your end.”  As an etiquette adviser to Martha Stewart, Ms. Hohlfeld should know that putting a website URL on an invitation is not only improper etiquette but is also quite TACKY.

Look, I have no issue with people sending out email invitations to save money.  Nevertheless, to justify sending an e-Vite on ecological grounds is either stupid, deceptive or simply dishonest.   First and foremost, many quality wedding invitations are printed on paper made from cotton and not wood fiber.    In fact, Crane & Co. has been printing paper from cotton (a renewable crop) and cotton rag from textile mills (recycled cotton) for over 200 years.  Perhaps, this is one of the reasons why Ms. Stewart decided to partner with Crane & Co. to launch her new line of Martha Stewart wedding invitations.  Perhaps, Ms. Hohlfeld should consult Ms. Stewart and ask her whether she would like to see a URL at the bottom of her invitation.

Secondly, the “save-the-tree” war cry of environmental righteousness is simply a banal sound-bite probably concocted by online email advocates like AOL and eVite to justify their services as “green.”  I think we all know the expression that if you repeat the same sales pitch or lie and nobody questions it, overtime people will believe it to be true.  Wake up wantabe environmentalists, it’s a hoax!  Most serious paper companies like William Arthur and many others source and produce papers made from wood fibers using the highest “green” standards.  In fact, harvesting wood may be beneficial rather than detrimental to the environment, according to  David Foster director of the Harvard Forest Project.

Martha Stewart Weddings

Thirdly, if Ms. Hohlfeld honesty believed what she was saying, she would most certainly recommend to Ms. Stewart that she immediately cease the publication of Martha Stewart Weddings in the interests of saving a forest, not simply a tree.  Or how about the fact that the average PC user consumes 28 pieces of paper a day.  Should we simply abolish PCs to save a tree?   Ms. Hohlfeld and others who promote themselves as experts should take the time to seriously research issues before simply repeating self-serving slogans that have little basis in fact.  Civility and good taste would be far better served by “Etiquette Editors” who understood the difference between etiquette and a sales pitch.