The Stationers Guild

A question we are frequently asked as stationers is whether it is appropriate to use the monogram of the bridal couple on their wedding invitation.  The simple and correct answer is “No!”   I realize that there are many wedding invitations that now use monograms, but it is not proper etiquette and, if you will bear with me, doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Simply stated, “It is not appropriate to use your ‘married name’ monogram, because the couple is not actually married at the time the wedding invitation is sent.”  Some self-appointed “do your own thing” wedding consultants may disagree, but common sense dictates otherwise.   Others feel that it is bad “Juju” and that one may jinx the wedding by anticipating the ceremony that has not yet been officially recognized by either civil or religious authorities.

To most experienced stationers, it is pretty straight-forward, so imagine our surprise when we saw a beautifully engraved monogram on a Crane wedding invitation in their recently released new Wedding Invitations Album.  We assumed that there was a “boo-boo” since the monogram initials did not seem to have anything in common with the names of the wedding couple.

After some forensic science, namely reading the fine print,  we discovered that the beautiful engraged monogram was the monogram of the mother of the bride!  In a note citing Crane’s Blue Book (the reference source of choice for wedding invitation wording and etiquette), Crane states that “As the social hostess for the family, the bride’s mother’s monogram is traditionally printed on the invitation.”  Now, this is news to me, but I will conduct further research to determine the origins of this custom.

In all fairness, I think that the mother’s beautiful monogram overshadows the importance of her daughter’s wedding.  Common sense suggests that it might be more appropriate to let the attention fall on the bridal couple.  Found below is some beautiful engraved stationery for the bride:

Regardless of the wedding etiquette in play here, I think we can all agree that Crane surpasses itself with the quality of its engraved stationery and invitations.  That being said, I would recommend that bridal couples avoid using the monogram of the bride’s mother despite some precedent for this tradition. 

Richard W. May
Thérèse Saint Clair

As readers of this Blog are aware, I rarely find much illuminating information on the internet for “wedding invitations”  that is not  promotional.  Today, I was thrilled to find  an excellent article on how to avoid Five Common Mistakes for Wedding Invitations.   This Blog article was posted on BridalCookie.com and when I have some time, I will check it out to determine if this website offers other useful advice for bridal couples.  Rather than regurgitate this well-written article (also a novelty in today’s fast-food social media), I will briefly list the five common wedding invitation errors that surface regularly:

• Not Enough Postage:   Wedding invitation paper stock and the enclosed reply card set often push postage into uncharted territory.  Always take a sample down to your local Post Office to determine the correct postage.
• Order Extra Invitations and Envelopes:   It is wise to order 25 more invitations and envelopes than you actually plan to use.  Inevitably, you will find that a couple of friends or relatives were left off the initial list and some envelopes may not be addressed improperly.   Ordering an extra 25 invitations is considerably cheaper than initiating a separate run of 25 after your original 150 invitations have been delivered.  In some cases it could cost 40% of the cost of 150 invitations.
• Don’t leave your invitations to the last minute:   Ideally, your guests should receive their invitation not less than 8 weeks before the event.  Some leading design companies take three to four weeks to print invitations and it can often take two to three weeks to finalize wording, font styles and layout.   We recommend starting the process six month before the wedding event.
• Content Mistakes:   Workding with an experienced stationer in your neighborhood will certainly help reduce the many errors we often encounter in online wedding invitations.  Proofs and several extra sets of eyeballs will eliminate 99.9% of errors, poor etiquette and proper formatting problems encountered in crafting wedding invitations online or with inexperienced friends. 
• Not setting an RSVP Deadline:    This is a critical organizational element.  Always include an RSVP deadline.  If you don’t hear from your guests, you have a perfect excuse to call.  Everything you can do to keep the logistics simple and up-to-date will relieve stress on your wedding day.

Again, thanks to Bridal Cookie for this excellent advice.

Sheila P. May
Therese Saint Clair

I have recently seen renewed debate on whether the gift registry should be shown on a wedding invitation.    The simple and correct answer is:  “Of course not!”   Having worked with hundreds of bridal couples to design custom wedding invitations, not one has opted to include a bridal gift registry or URL on their wedding invitation.   It is tacky, offensive and simply poor etiquette.  

Suggesting  a gift or financial contribution on your wedding invitation detracts from the importance of the occasion.  While many argue that it is “convenient” to list a bridal registry on the wedding invitation, convenience is no substitute for good manners and good taste.   Why not just pick up the phone, call the parents or the bridal couple and extend your congratulations and then ask where they are registered.   It is simple, personal and has worked effectively for many years. 

In many situations, bridal couples will send out a save the date announcement which may include travel and accommodation recommendations.  If you plan to establish a wedding website, it is now considered acceptable to include the URL of your website on the save the date announcement or within the supporting wedding papers.  

Some will argue that this protocol or etiquette is old-fashioned.  Quite the contrary, good manners is never out of place.  If we continue to emphasize “convenience” and “efficiency”  in managing our interpersonal relationships, we strip the joy and majesty from these milestone events in our lives.

Sheila P. May
Thérèse Saint Clair